Teresa is a lovely woman who approached me several months ago about improving her real estate business. You see, she had been a REALTOR® for several years but had only experienced moderate success. Teresa felt like she was now ready to accelerate her business and asked me to be her coach.
Very quickly I realized that Teresa’s current level of business was self-created. She had lots of reasons why being successful was a bad idea…the job would take away too much time from her children, she wasn’t smart enough, she wasn’t attractive enough, etc. However, the children were growing up and she felt strongly about establishing a good work ethic and roll model for them. We started with understanding her vision of the future, evaluated her current strengths & weakness, established a 1-year plan, and became prepared for the barriers that would show up invited.
Teresa was really making great progress when I got a frantic phone call. This call went something like this, “Jo, I’m been thinking and have decided to change careers. This is the wrong job for me. I hate the activities needed to be successful!” I recognized the problem immediately because I see it very often as salespeople are beginning to get the life they want.
Here’s the deal…we have living in the subconscious part of our brain a belief about who we are. When that belief becomes challenged we react very negatively. Let me provide you an example:
I was brought up the youngest of four children, so there is natural sibling competition. My oldest sister had a high IQ and she performed really well in school. My intelligence level could best be described as average. When report cards came, the differences in our IQs were obvious. To ensure that I was not completely crushed my mother would say, “Yes, you are average and average is good.” So a belief formed in me that I am an average person.
As my sales career took off I enjoyed several production milestones. However, when my picture was displayed in the office as a sales leader for the month, I became livid and demanded that it be taken down. I knew my behavior wasn’t rational nor was it typical behavior (I’m not prone to fits of rage) but I simply could not help myself. As I began to learn more about how underlying beliefs can dictate behavior I uncovered this—my picture being displayed as a sign of success meant I was above average, not average. That created a conflict in my brain that psychologists call cognitive dissonance (i.e. I was performing at a higher level than my belief system thought I should). Because our brain simply cannot hold to opposing ideas at the same time (I’m average and I’m above average in my profession) the part of the brain that regulates all of this turmoil, the creative subconscious, stepped in demanding my picture be taken down.
Teresa was doing exactly the same thing. Her new success was disrupting a long held belief, which sparked strong emotion. How did I know this was the problem with her? The key was in the irrational emotion.
The big question then is, “How do I prevent this from happening to me as I grow?” The answer lies in your vision of the future. If you can close your eyes and see yourself already successful you can overcome it. When I say “see” yourself that means experience how it feels; the emotion of being there. Your job is to create a vision of that life you yearn for. Consider having pictures of yourself sitting in the new car you want. Or pictures of the house you dream about. Cut pictures out of magazines and post them. Better yet, cut the picture off your business cards and paste it onto the people from the magazine. Think about it.